Cecilia.FP.doc

Final Essay

Susie Huerta

English 104

Cecilia Flores

12/10/09

The End of the Beginning

El Pasado...The Past

“Regardless of our perceived differences in beliefs and values, we have a common future and this should inform how we can proceed, and how we can broaden the roots, mysteries, truths, memories, and stories of the past to guide us.” – Luis J. Rodriguez

This girl didn’t grow up having everything she wanted but she had everything she needed, her family. Although she seemed happy to her family, she was broken on the inside. If you were to ask this girl to recall a happy childhood memory, chances are she would lie to you or she would just change the topic. There’s so many times where she’s wished for a new life or a new beginning but she’s learned to accept the life she has whether she wants to or not. Coming from a home were being emotional or sensitive was a sign of weakness she had no other alternative but to hide her feelings and fake a smile. This girl was made fun of and teased for any little thing and she just couldn’t understand why and how people could be so mean, she was just a girl. Going through something like this, she was forced to grow up faster than she would have liked so that she could deal with the stress and not break in the process. Being at home wasn’t any better; the fact that her parents expect so much out of her and not her brothers added on so much stress. She was also the only girl in her family, everyday she would have to hear her dad speak his machista mind and at the same time hear him say repeatedly that I better not get pregnant. Everything she heard in school or at home was just so pessimistic. There came a point in her life where she couldn’t handle it anymore so she shut herself off from the world, keeping only to herself. She would walk around with her head held high and a smile on her face but it was all just an act. In reality she was depressed and so hurt.

There came a point where she got tired of feeling terrible all the time. She saw how happy other people could be and she desired to be like them. So she took it upon herself to be a happier person. She decided to no longer care about what other people thought or said about her. She was going to be herself and people were just going to have to deal with it. She was going to prove those who thought negatively about her wrong, including her dad. She was just so tired and fed up with having to deal with people’s remarks. From now on she was determined to always be happy. After all, all she’s ever wanted is to be happy.

Life in My Heels

“Feminism to me is about giving women and men the chance to live the life they choose, free of sexism, sex exploitation and oppression of every kind.” – Christina Libby

Being a female can have its positive and negative moments but things can be a bit different when you’re female and Mexican, like me. There are, of course, global stereotypes placed on both women and men on what they should or shouldn’t do and how they should act and behave. Those stereotypes do also exist for Mexican women but coming from a country where machismo overrules, those stereotypes can become a bit harsh. The majority of men, especially the older men, were brought up believing that women are put on this earth to have kids, clean the house, cook, wash clothes and wait on them hand and foot. The men on my dad’s side of the family are the perfect example of machismo. Some of the men in my family have lightened up but there are still a few uncles, cousins and even brothers that are still a bit machista.

However, if they were dropped of somewhere by themselves they would not survive. They don’t even know how to work a microwave or oven let alone a washing machine. I’m just fed up with having to deal with men who say and believe these things. They expect and want so much from us yet we get nothing in return.

All my life I’ve done everything I’ve had to do and you could say that I’ve been angel compared to both my brothers. For the past few years my dad and I have had the “license” fight. My dad’s been saying that I will get my license soon but he’s been saying that for a long time now. Every time I mention the word “license” my dad changes the topic or completely ignores me. He goes as far as telling me everything that’s wrong with the car and the way I drive. He even said that some women shouldn’t be allowed behind the wheel so the chances of me getting my license are slim. My dad has always been harder on me than he is with my brothers. When my older brother goes out he never gets an interrogation the way I do. “Who did you go with?” or “Who were you with?” are the two most common questions asked by both parents but mostly my dad. Every time I go out my dad automatically assumes that I’m with a guy and that I’m going to end up pregnant. It angers me so much knowing that unfortunately a lot of Hispanic men think the same way. Thank God for my mom, I have to say that she is the best. She’s raised me to be a strong woman like her. I’ve had a few people accuse me of being to harsh on men, or in other words a feminist but all I do is stand up and believe for what is right.

My Mom

"Ahogadas, escupimos el oscuro. Peleando con nuestra propia sombra el silencio nos sepulta." -Gloria Anzaldua

My mom didn't have it easy growing up. She was raised with five other siblings and a alcoholic abusive dad. All of her life she's grown up seeing the same type of men but never in her life did she think she was going to end up with a machista, but she did. Becuase of what she's seen and experienced my mom has gone out of her way to give me advice. She tells me to stand up for myself and never let any guy boss me around or to even let him think that he's above me. I pay attention and take note of what she says but at the same time it's still pretty hard to take in and believe when machismo is all I've seen.

Forming relationships with guys or at least trying to has been hard for me. Based on what I've seen and other personal issues of mine I want to believe that not every guy is like that but it's hard to get rid of a concept that's been drilled into my head. When I'm first getting to know a guy if I didn't like what they said or if it came of as machista I would just stop talking to them, that's the extreme I went to in order for me not to end up with a machista. But I do have to say that I've been improving and now I am less judgemental and stereotypical with guys.

My mom is the type of woman that doesn't let herself be bossed around by men and she doesn't back down from an argument. I have grown up to want to be exactly like her. Being the only two women in the family we have stuck together, she has even become my best friend. My mom has inspired me to become the woman I am today.

The Beginning

“Not to fall to the devil’s temptation of despair and darkness and these easy thoughts of hate and destruction, but to see beyond these and reach for the stars with the conviction of mind and soul that we, the human species, can only survive… when we have made peace within ourselves…” –Victor Villaseñor

All that I’ve been through and experienced throughout these eighteen years of my life have shaped who I am today and who I will be in the future. I don’t see these events as something negative but as something that I could learn and grow from. I have to admit that this process has been hard and challenging but at the end of it I am who I am. Because of what I’ve dealt with I feel like I’ve become a more independent and strong minded individual. I’ve learned to rely on myself, be more opinionated, but most of all believe in myself. I have come to accept who I am and I’m proud of what I see. I’ve overcome so much but I see it as the end of one chapter and the beginning of what’s to come...